I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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