dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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