i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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