I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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