Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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