I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no you cant smoke seaweed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
