just come out here and I will go home with you...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
