There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
