So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
