My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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