Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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