i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
