if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you win again, gameday.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
