You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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