I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
