probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
