I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
