You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
