he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
