I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
