There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
