We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
