is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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