Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize