can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
