Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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