Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
