Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
