Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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