when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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