Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
