I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
