I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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