If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
