I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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