Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
