how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i now understand why vodka
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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