Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
