Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
