i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
