Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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