Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
