OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
