watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I forget how to act sober
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