Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
