im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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