I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
whose parrot is this?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
