forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
