bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
