I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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