Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize