I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
