Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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