I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
