My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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