Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
