i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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