I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
