You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
