I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's rum buckets o'clock
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
