I wannas sexs uuuuu
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
