Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Where is the hickey?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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