Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
