What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
accomplished twins. life is a go
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wish there were birth control emojis
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
