Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
