i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
