Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
