We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
